jobs, life, and starting over

A wise sixth grader made a comment to me that revealed more insight than I've heard in a while. "I don't get how there are separate categories for 'school' and 'break'...it's all just life." It is easy to put things in separate categories- work, play, school, job, family, friends, mental health, physical health. I for one play at work quite often..."play therapy" or "building rapport" as my progress notes would say. My job is more of a metaphorical classroom than the majority of lecture halls I spaced out in. I can't decide if yoga is more of a workout or a therapy session to me. We separate things to simplify them and because our mind functions better with the aid of schemas.

Some of my best life lessons and reminders have come from unexpected places. It is odd to think that just as I have grown to love this job and feel like I am making a difference, the year is winding down and it's very likely that I will take another path. In a way I feel like I am breaking hearts and acting as just another disappointing adult they grew to trust that has left them. I have tried to teach my kids that they deserve unconditional love. I want them to make good choices but it's important that they know I will advocate for them even if they make choices to spray breath spray in a boys eyes or curse out a teacher. I do not think that one bad decision or even a pattern of destructive behavior is enough to brand a middle schooler as "high risk". I have found these kids to be incredibly impressionable and perceptive and they will only strive to be as good as the adults around them expect them to be. In many cases those expectations don't exist at home so it is up to us to believe. Another sixth grade boy was eating lunch in my room with a couple of kids already identified as delinquents within the system and commented, "I am so glad to finally be somewhere that I'm not hated" Sometimes in childhood and adulthood the secret to helping someone may really be just that simple.

I have a full caseload now and an even greater unofficial caseload. At one point they had a ton of trouble getting enough qualified kids signed up to even justify the service. My favorite way to reach the kids that need to be reached is to pull them out of in school suspension. One girl in particular walked around outside with me to get out of detention and the next day was in my office telling me about her mothers cocaine addiction and her father's recent suicide attempt. If schools are a microcosm of society then punishing kids for acting out as a result of their life problems is doing no more to rehabilitate them into society than prisons who lock up adults who would be served better in other environments.

The moments where I have felt most helpful never come when I expect them to. If I plan an "intervention" it almost inevitably backfires like the time when I nearly induced a panic attack by trying to lead a girl through a guided relaxation. oops. There was a time when a spontaneous conversation about emotionally abusive relationships and an assessment from a website I had just googled led several 7th grade girls to reconsider their relationships. A popular and bubbly girl that I got to know while coaching volleyball approached me one day to discuss her self mutilation habits.

I have laughed over this job. I have cried over this job. I have realized that it is not separate from life and it is not a category all of its own. I have bonded with people. Not kids, but people who happen to be in an extremely odd life phase and I have tried to tell them that it's ok to fuck up and it is ok to cry about life and it's never too late to start from scratch. I should know.