jobs, life, and starting over

A wise sixth grader made a comment to me that revealed more insight than I've heard in a while. "I don't get how there are separate categories for 'school' and 'break'...it's all just life." It is easy to put things in separate categories- work, play, school, job, family, friends, mental health, physical health. I for one play at work quite often..."play therapy" or "building rapport" as my progress notes would say. My job is more of a metaphorical classroom than the majority of lecture halls I spaced out in. I can't decide if yoga is more of a workout or a therapy session to me. We separate things to simplify them and because our mind functions better with the aid of schemas.

Some of my best life lessons and reminders have come from unexpected places. It is odd to think that just as I have grown to love this job and feel like I am making a difference, the year is winding down and it's very likely that I will take another path. In a way I feel like I am breaking hearts and acting as just another disappointing adult they grew to trust that has left them. I have tried to teach my kids that they deserve unconditional love. I want them to make good choices but it's important that they know I will advocate for them even if they make choices to spray breath spray in a boys eyes or curse out a teacher. I do not think that one bad decision or even a pattern of destructive behavior is enough to brand a middle schooler as "high risk". I have found these kids to be incredibly impressionable and perceptive and they will only strive to be as good as the adults around them expect them to be. In many cases those expectations don't exist at home so it is up to us to believe. Another sixth grade boy was eating lunch in my room with a couple of kids already identified as delinquents within the system and commented, "I am so glad to finally be somewhere that I'm not hated" Sometimes in childhood and adulthood the secret to helping someone may really be just that simple.

I have a full caseload now and an even greater unofficial caseload. At one point they had a ton of trouble getting enough qualified kids signed up to even justify the service. My favorite way to reach the kids that need to be reached is to pull them out of in school suspension. One girl in particular walked around outside with me to get out of detention and the next day was in my office telling me about her mothers cocaine addiction and her father's recent suicide attempt. If schools are a microcosm of society then punishing kids for acting out as a result of their life problems is doing no more to rehabilitate them into society than prisons who lock up adults who would be served better in other environments.

The moments where I have felt most helpful never come when I expect them to. If I plan an "intervention" it almost inevitably backfires like the time when I nearly induced a panic attack by trying to lead a girl through a guided relaxation. oops. There was a time when a spontaneous conversation about emotionally abusive relationships and an assessment from a website I had just googled led several 7th grade girls to reconsider their relationships. A popular and bubbly girl that I got to know while coaching volleyball approached me one day to discuss her self mutilation habits.

I have laughed over this job. I have cried over this job. I have realized that it is not separate from life and it is not a category all of its own. I have bonded with people. Not kids, but people who happen to be in an extremely odd life phase and I have tried to tell them that it's ok to fuck up and it is ok to cry about life and it's never too late to start from scratch. I should know.

Holy Backbend...the home stretch

As my official calendar is at home I'm not entirely sure what number class I'm on...but I'm pretty sure it's either 94 or 95. Either way, I'm gonna make it!! Strangely enough, the end of this challenge isn't that important to me, mainly because daily practice is such a habit now that I don't really think much will change when I officially cross into triple digits. Last week was a bit of a challenge as I was out of town one day and well, out to dinner one day (can't miss out on restaurant week, right?) so I had to do doubles twice this weekend to stay on track. It was also a stressful week for a variety of reasons and I just remember feeling this overwhelming sense of peace and freedom during the savasanas in my wednesday class that was remarkable. The 4:30/6:30 double on Friday was a challenge. I may have backed out on the 6:30 class if I had a choice, but seeing as my ride wasn't coming till 8 I really didn't , and I'm glad. It's always humbling to have classes where I struggle and have to sit out a pose or two. The second class really caught up with me around the end of the spine strengthening series. Seriously though...I sweat more during the second class than the first. There was pretty much a stream of sweat dripping from my elbows by the end of eagle pose...oh well, that's what I signed up for!

Saturday morning was a STIFF practice for me after the challenging day on Friday but I was glad to fit one in because I knew this week would be BUSY with volleyball starting after school. It was entertaining talking to an older woman about yoga at a baby shower I went to on Saturday, popular consensus says that Bikram is CRAZY. Sunday was choc-full of yoga because our studio was hosting Esak Garcia, a previous world asana champion, for a posture clinic and class. I can't say enough kind words about this man and his expertise. It was a great experience for me as I'm really getting into this yoga but have had very little education/corrective instruction. What impressed me most about him was that he was humble and down to earth despite being one of the best yogis alive. Lets see...as for specifics that I took away from the clinic- he really emphasized the importance of 80/20 breathing which I have never really payed attention to, engaging abdomen to provide resistance during pranyama, engaging certain leg/foot muscles in standing head to knee and chin position in standing bow and triangle. He would basically talk about a posture then get us all to do it and pick out a few people to correct as examples.
To me, his most interesting point was upper thorastic backbending as opposed to only focusing on your lumbar spine. He taught us about engaging rhomboid muscles and really focusing on driving our arms backwards before our lower spine. He also had dry erase markers and pointed things out on pictures/drew diagrams on the mirrors to help illustrate.

Needless to say, his class was PACKED and humid to the max. All day, there were tons of teachers from the Cville studio obviously, but also from Richmond and Lynchburg. They were amazing and specifically one male/female duo from Richmond had AMAZING practices and he cited them as examples when they were going beyond the basic beginner postures in class. I read online (yogadork....busteddd) that the male recently placed first in VA for the asana competition and the female placed 4th. So inspirational! Despite the abnormal heat/classroom conditions it went by really quickly and his class was excellent. Specifically I liked how he encouraged people to stay in certain balancing poses till they fell out if they were having a good set as opposed to a set end point for everyone. Sometimes it's frustrating to hit your stride right as it's time to change.

The day was inspiring enough that it helped me wake up at 530am to make it to the 615 class before work this morning. It was a really relaxed class and once I got there I really enjoyed it. I was stiff/sore at the beginning of class but completely comfortable by the end. As opposed to prying my eyes open at work on a monday morning, I was bouncing around the hallways when I first got here. Less than a week to go! I'll post again to reflect on some of the changes and HOPEFULLY get my camera back in time to take some "after" posture pics to post the differences.

2012: a year full of yoga!

Yesterday was class number 75! The home stretch is approaching and physically I feel better than ever :-). I can see why 60 day challenges are popular...because right around the 60 day mark my practice took a huge jump! Maybe it had to do with the fact that I was on vacation so I was getting enough sleep and could focus more on my body and my yoga. There was a stretch where I breezed through practice to the point where I wanted to stay for doubles if possible pretty consistently. Making it through my first back to back double without sitting out for a single set of a posture was an accomplishment to me. I particularly feel that I've made progress with some of the tougher balancing poses and floor bow but parts of the spine strengthening series have been coming along at a much slower rate.

Practicing on New Year's eve with my brother and his girlfriend was really special. I wanted to have a calm evening and start 2012 in a healthier way than I've begun the last...5 years? so I planned on going and Kevin and Lauryn decided to come along! It was Kevin's first Bikram class and Lauryn has practiced a few times before in addition to tons of hot yoga. We goofed around taking pictures of us in our yoga gear (Kevin sported hawaian swim trunks and a pink towel) and joked about how we would need to keep from laughing during class because of his facial expressions. Anyways, they both did GREAT! Lauryn said it was the best Bikram class that she's had and was really interested to sample the freshly made juices that our teacher provided after class. Kevin was a total champion and didn't sit out for a single posture which is an impressive feat for any first timer. He also managed to get pretty deep into some of the poses, especially fixed firm! During standing head to knee pose the teacher called me up to the front of the room to demonstrate proper/improper form and i managed not to fall on my face! It was a little nervewracking but flattering to be called out. I also got to sport my new Zebra print shatki shorts :-)

Just as I thought I was getting invincible...the studio started to BOOM in the new year's resolution rush. Lately classes have been ridiculously packed. It's a good challenge, as the heat and humidity are raised naturally and with more bodies in the room your sweat doesn't evaporate as easily. As frustrating as it can be to practice with my mat 6 inches from tighty whitey Tim, flatulant Frank and have Six pack sorority girl position her mat right in front of you, having a packed class is good for providing group energy and more intense conditions. The advanced class however was NOT crowded as it consisted of me and the teacher. It was a good workout and I practiced the full spine strengthening series for the first time. I learned how to go into full camel and have tried it (somewhat successfully but completely awkwardly) in a few classes since then. Backbends have been the scariest part of class for me and are definitely something I need to improve if I do ever want to compete.

I still enjoy going everyday and it hasn't gotten old. I've enjoyed getting to know some of the teachers and students there better. It's great to be surrounded by such strong and positive people working proactively to make changes in their lives. I haven't really lost more weight beyond the initial 8-10. My clothes are significantly looser and I'm seeing more definition in my arms, legs and midsection so I know I'm headed in the right direction. 25 more to go (plus one for good luck :-)